


The Truth Comes Out

by deathbysandblk



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 22:48:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11473263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbysandblk/pseuds/deathbysandblk
Summary: Knox pesters Neil until he tells the truth about his crush on Todd.





	The Truth Comes Out

“You’ve been acting weird lately,”

Neil had been working on Chemistry homework and, in fact, was almost finished with it, when Knox interrupted him with the above statement. Trying to appear nonchalant, Neil shut his book, looked up at him, and took a deep breath before speaking.

“Knox, what are you talking about?”

Knox flopped down on the bed, putting his hands behind his head, making himself comfortable.

“I noticed you got a B on an assignment recently.”

“So…?”

“So you NEVER get B’s. Ever. Something’s up with you and I’m going to find out what.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Knox. Now unless you want help with Chemistry, get lost, I need to finish up the assignment.”

Todd walked in as Knox was leaving and took a seat at his desk. 

“Did you finish the English assignment? Did you write a poem?”

Neil hesistated. Yes, he had written a poem, but he didn’t want to tell Todd he had because Todd would want to read it and Todd couldn’t read it. It would mortify him, not only that, but it would cause him to never want to speak to him again and Neil couldn’t bare that. Having Todd in his life as just a friend was a way better alternative than not having Todd in his life at all or worse, having Todd hate his very being. 

It’s not like he asked for this to happen and he knew he could never breathe a word of it to anyone, else his father find out and drag him away from the person he felt the most home around. No, Neil always reminded himself, nobody can know of this. 

“No, I kinda forgot about that,” he finally answered, hoping he sounded convincingly sheepish. 

“Neil! That’s so unlike you! It’s due tomorrow!”

“Well I guess I’d better get on that then.”

Todd simply nodded and then returned to his work. 

Neil pulled out his poem, mulling over it. He wasn’t stupid enough to think he could actually present this in Keating’s class the next day. Oh no, he had thought ahead and written a boring poem that he could safely read in front of the class. He read over his poem and then stored it safely away in his desk, a place no one would be able to find it without actively being a snoop. 

I harbor a secret  
One I will hold in my heart  
For be it discovered  
I’d get much more than a start.

In seeing him, I’m breathtaken  
Panting, gasping for air  
Somehow I have not been caught  
When I’m wont to stare

His presence here at Hellton  
Brings a calm over me  
It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt  
He makes me feel free

I never thought I’d love like this  
A love that’s deep within  
I want to quote fair Romeo  
Todd, “give me my sin”. 

Once he could be sure no one would find his poem, he was able to finish his Chemistry homework. After that, he waited for Todd to finish up his homework and then they talked-a nightly occurrence. The two had become really close-as they were roommates-but Neil suspected even if they weren’t roommates, they would still be friends.

“Why did Keating have to single me out like that?” Todd asked, in reference to when he had assigned the poem and said ‘don’t think I don’t know that this assignment scares the hell out of you, you mole’. 

“He’s probably just trying to get you to step out of your comfort zone.”

“What if I don’t want to be outside of my comfort zone? No one can hurt me if I don’t let them in.”

“But, Todd, what kind of a life is that? Always being scared no matter what you do? That doesn’t sound very appealing to me.”

“Well, you’re not me, Neil. We think very different ways, you and I. Being out and about in the world is scary to me. I am an anxiety-ridden person, the kind of anxiety that shakes me to my very core. So it’s easy for an extrovert to say ‘go out and do things. Go out and live’ because they thrive doing that. That’s how they get their energy.”

“Whatever happens tomorrow, Todd, you’ll be okay. I know you’re scared to be vulnerable, but it will all be okay. I’ll be there with you. Just think of that if that comforts you in any way.”

“Thanks, Neil. I’m going to go to sleep now. Good night.”

“Night.” 

The next day in English class, Neil presented his poem and just got it over with. He sat there trying to listen, but he just kept thinking about Todd and when it would be his turn and how he needed to be there for him. It got to be Todd’s turn and he insisted he didn’t write a poem.

That’s weird, thought Neil, he was the one insisting I get my poem done and now he’s saying he doesn’t have one? That doesn’t add up. He must be lying, there’s no other explanation. He hoped Keating wouldn’t punish Todd too harshly for not completing the assignment. He seemed like a pretty understanding professor. 

Keating had Todd create a poem in front of the class and Neil was amazed. He had such a way with words. Neil had no idea he was such a gifted poet. But it just increased Neil’s feelings for him. He knew that Todd would be wanting to vent after class and he was headed to his room to offer his comfort or at least his ear when Knox stopped him. 

“I know what you’re hiding! Oh it’s so obvious! Why didn’t I see it before?”

“Knox, can you share your crazy theories about why I’ve been acting weird later? I’ve got somewhere I need to be.”

“It’s not a theory, Neil! I’ve got proof this time!” As he said this, he pulled out a folded up piece of paper that looked extremely familiar. 

“You went through my desk?!”

“Oh, come on, Neil, it’s not a big deal!”

“Yes it is, Knox! That was private! I hid it in my desk so that people wouldn’t find it! Wait-why were you in my room? When were you in my room?”

“During lunch when I said I was going to the library. I just figured you met a girl somewhere, but I realize I kind of jumped to conclusions on that, sorry. But it’s totally cute that you like Todd.”

“Shut up! Are you trying to have the whole school hear you? This could ruin me, Knox. If my father finds out, I’m dead.” 

“Don’t worry, Neil, I’m not going to tell anyone. I do, however, think you should tell him.”

“What?! Are you insane? I can’t tell him?”

“Well why not?”

“He’s my best friend. What if he hates me?”

“He won’t hate you. Besides, have you taken nothing from Keating’s lessons at all? Carpe diem! Or I guess in this case it’s more like “puer carpe”. 

“I’ll think about it, but I’m still super annoyed that you snooped and read my private things. And also, if you tell anyone, I will kill you!”

“Your secret is safe with me, Dead Poets’ Honor!”

“Thank you,” said Neil as he prepared to turn away.

“And Neil?”

Neil stopped and looked at him expectantly. “Yeah?”

“Everything is gonna be okay.” 

Neil, not sure if he believed him, simply nodded and walked away. 

Todd was lying on his bed when Neil walked into the room.

“Where have you been? I was getting a little worried about you, Perry.”

“Knox had a question about homework so I was helping him.” He paused, thought about what Knox had said, and decided he was right. Keating had been teaching them to go after what they wanted and what he wanted was Todd. Really, that was his only desire, well besides being an actor. “I know you probably want to talk about English class and I want to as well, but first, may I try something?”

Todd stared at him, confusion evident on his face, but then nodded. “S-s-sure.”

Neil approached him and sat down in front of him. He put his arms around Todd, pulling him in close. Todd was closer to him than he had ever been before and Neil was able to get a whiff of his shampoo-something fruity, something he couldn’t quite place, but he loved it. He couldn’t tell if Todd knew what he was going to do, he couldn’t judge anything from the other boy’s expression, but all of a sudden, his nervousness just vanished and was replaced with a burst of courage. He leaned in, closed his eyes, and he was kissing Todd. And it was magical. He had thought Todd would push him away, repulsed or outraged, but he did not. Instead, he did something Neil didn’t expect at all: he deepened the kiss. Neil didn’t know how long they had been kissing, but it wasn’t long enough before Todd was pulling away, gasping for air. 

Neil looked down and said,

“I’m sorry.”

Todd looked confused and even a little hurt. “You’re sorry? Why? Do you regret it?”

“Oh, Todd, no, of course not. I had been wanting to do that for so long and it was probably more amazing than I could ever have imagined.”

“Than what’s the problem?”

“I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything like that.”

“I didn’t feel uncomfortable, Neil. Trust me, it was the complete opposite of that. That was, that was-well damn it, I’m a poet, but at this very moment I’m at a loss for words.”

“It’s okay. I don’t really know what to say either. I just wanted you to know.”

“Has it been long for you?”

“I felt something the minute I laid eyes on you.”

“Same here.”

Neil giggled. “This never would’ve happened if Knox hadn’t stolen my damn poem so I guess we can thank him for this.”

“Poem?”

“Oh,” said Neil, blushing. “Yeah. I sort of wrote a poem about my feelings for you. You can read it if you like, but don’t laugh too hard.”

“Neil, I would never laugh. Your feelings are beautiful and how you choose to express them is also beautiful.”

Neil turned away from him, trying to conceal the tears that were starting to form in his eyes, not because Todd had upset him or anything like that, but because he knew they couldn’t be together. He knew his father would find out and have his head.

“Neil? Are you alright?”

“Todd, I want nothing else than for us to be able to be together and be happy, but that just can’t happen.”

“Your father?”

Neil nodded, sniffling. 

“We’ll just have to keep it a secret then, I mean, if you want to. Or this can just be it for us.”

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you if he finds out.”

“Nothing will happen to me because he won’t find out.”

Todd dried the remainder of his tears and pulled Neil in closer to him, snuggling him. The two boys stayed that way, silent, but content, until they both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> This was already posted on my dead poets society sideblog (@makeyourlivesextraordinary) but I'm just spending today getting everything I've ever written fanfic-wise on here! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! :D 
> 
> Also for those wondering "puer carpe" means "seize the boy"


End file.
